Stay at home wife at 29...

Don't think the picture shows a complete represention of how it feels 24/7. As with all things in life there are two sides to every situation. I live a really great life. That I cannot not deny. I have the most hardworking husband that is also incredibly supportive. We have a place in Costa Rica and travel very often. I sometimes feel like a 'Real Housewife' and have a drink at 8 am while I sit on the balcony and the sun peeks over the trees. I also have woke up at 8 am with messages calling me a gold digger, lazy, undeserving. (Maybe those moments have also triggered the early morning pick me up occasionally.). Thankfully social media has this beautiful thing called the "block" button where I don't have to listen to others' opinions when they don't know a single thing about me or my relationship with my husband. During my time I have worked many different jobs. I have been behind a counter at a theater, helped the elderly in an assisted living center, ran a full warehouse by myself with no other employee working it with me, I have even had my own business. I have no shortage of work ethic or drive and I have had my fair share of shit jobs simply because I didn't have that luxury NOT to work. When my husband's career in the crypto/NFT space took off, the option to move to Costa Rica actually became a reality. This move also meant that I would no longer be working as I cannot hold a job in Costa Rica without being a resident. This was a discussion we took very seriously as it can be hard on both partners when there is only ONE bread maker. Long story short, we didn't want it to get to the point where any resentment may be harbored. We made the decision, and here we are. Living in another country and I was made a stay at home wife at 29 years old. This may seem completely glamorous and the dream to most. I would be lying if I said I didn't love it myself, but let's be real, there are definitely moments where I still feel completely lost. On the bright side, I have started dipping back into my photography, photo editing and my writing again. For a while I had set aside my creative part of myself. Not because anyone made me, but because the hustle of life and struggling to rub two pennies together can really take a toll on one's time and energy. To have the time and freedom to dabble into these aspects of my life again has been the most incredible healing for my mental health. I also have made sure to get a few miles of walking in nearly everyday and there is nothing like starting your mornings off by getting your body moving and your blood flowing. It becomes a NEED. The flip side to this, especially being in another country and not knowing many people yet, I also found myself with a lot of down time. The worst thing for me personally, is when I have large gaps of time and not much to do to fill it. My mind is a racer, and it will turn down paths that aren't necessarily best. Time to think about missing friends and family, feeling of being left out... or even worse, forgotten. Being forgotten is such a real fear of mine for absolutely zero logical reason. I talk alomost daily to those I love, but having those large spaces of time in between without the physical touch or hanging out with them leaves me craving the reassurance that they still remember me. I know I may sound like a lunatic, but when you have such a big separation from those you care most about it's easy to find your brain lost in this fog even when the thoughts are unprovoked. Simply put, I can go a bit stir crazy at times and my mind tends to follow. What I have learned is to drowned out the negative comments that come along with this lifestyle. And yes, you may be very surprised at the amount of people out there that will NOT support you being supported by your husband. What I also know, it does not make me any less of a woman. Quite the opposite actually. This new reality has truly allowed me to be on my own path of finding myself again. I am discovering my love for writing, photography, nature, people, clean eating and so much more. And don't get it twisted, the support that must come from a sty at home wife for her husband is also a role I feel gets swept under the rug, mostly because if you have not lived this role it is seen as such a "lazy" position. I am blessed. I am happy. I am supported in return. This journey and stage in my life may not come without it's challenges that most people can't realte to, but it is mine and we are ready to explore. Xoxo, Cait

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